Ollie Ollie Oxen Free
by Madame GiGi
Summary: Ever noticed in most M-rated fanfictions, Haruhi is raped or something like that? No? I did. Using my OC name Ollie Cosmos, I'll show you what was going on in their heads. Rated T for language. If you hate it don't review.


You ever notice how a lot of m-rated fanfictions usually involve Haruhi getting raped? No?  
Well, I did. And with my OC (loosley based on myself), I'll sow you what's really going on in their minds. And 1, 2,here we go!

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It was a quiet,serene, thursday afternoon at the lucious Ouran Academy. Everyone was happy except for a certain Ollie Cosmos, the exchange student. 'Damn that Fujioka!! How dare she spend her free time with my (insert favorite male host member here)!!!!' She stood up shouting to the sky (roof?) "THAT FREAKING HOE!!!! SHE WILL PAY!!!!"

Now you may be thinking that little Ollie is making a big fool of herself; well, its midday and everyone has gone home. She stayed after to finish up some work. She gathered her items and marched out the door, skamming it shut behind her. Fumming angry, she mar-  
ched her tan legs down the stairs and out the front gate. She turned back to see Fujioka in the window of her club, chatting with a customer when (insert fav male HCM here) came up behind her and took her away.

"AAAAAAAAA!!!!" Ollie practically screamed bloody murder. The customer in the window looked down at her with a scared expression. She flipped her off and shouted a loud "F(*)CK YOU!"  
The customer turned away with tears and ran away.

"YEAH THAT'S RIGHT BITCH!! YOU RUN AWAY!!!!"

Now Ollie didn't own the dandelion yellow dress the was the official uniform for the fem-  
ale students, but the botch uniform. Now, she could definitley afford the uniform, she just found it to be terribly ugly. So instead she wore a dusty yellow blazer over a white button -down shirt, and a red bowtie; along with a gray skirt and dress socks with dress shoes.  
Seeing as she was from Guam her skin was fairly darker than hercohorts.

Partially satisfied, she turned on her heel and left the compound. But as soon as she turned out of the schools gates a giant puff of pink smoke burst before her, powerful enough to send her flying backwards.

"OUCH!" she exclaimed landing on her behind," hey! Watch where the hell you're going!!!"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," began a voice. "Such anger and hatred out of control, and no one's beat me to her yet."

Ollie staggered to her feet rubbing her aching behind. She glared at the figure before her. That was until she noticed it was a beautiful woman. Her hair was golden like the gold protected by leprachauns, She was as tall as a model with a great body. Her eyes were crulean, and her dress was that of a godess. Her voie was smooth like would be easy to be extremly jealous of this beauty. Ollie looked at her own attire and was embar -rased to be in her presence the way she looked, dirty friom being blown away (literally).

She looked to the groound on shame and asked, "is there something I can help you with?"  
in a huffed manner.

"why, of course not!" she laughed.

Ollie looked up at her quizzically. "Excuse me?"

"Why, Ollie, my dear, I'm here to help you!"

Ollie was a bit scared by this farie that came out of nowhere, knew her name, and offered to help her. "How?"

"You see, Ollie, dearest, I'm a Goddess. I deal with revenge."

Now Ollie is no fool, she knew the names of every god, goddess, fairy, faye, whatever! "If so, then what is your name?"

"Euphiniea, a fill in for Hephaestus," she calmly replied.

'Hm, correct. Hephaestus is indeed the God of Revenge. But what could she possibly want-'

"You don't like that Haruhi Fujioka very much, now do you".

Ollie wasn't shocked that Haruhi had come up in the conversation. "No. I can't say I do,"  
she replied crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well how would you like the power to get your revenge on Ms. Fujioka, Ms. Cosmos?!" Her peppiness on this subject was rather disturbng. But nonetheless, Ollie was still fumming angry and asked, "How?"

"Well, I could loan you my powers until tomorrow and you do your thang tonight!"

Without a second thought, Ollie shouted, "AGREED!!"

Now we just need to sign a contract and we'll be done here."

Before Eupheniea even finished her sentence, Ollie had a black ink pen out; but Euphiniea had looked as if she's never seen one in her life. When it dawned upon her what it was,  
she merley laughed. "oh dearie! I don't use paper cointracts anymore!"

"What do you use then?"

With the flip of her index finger, a magical circle appeared around them and Euphiniea had taken a hold of Ollie's face. "I use a magical contract sealed with a kiss," said Euphiniea in a breathy, sexy way. An expression of shick and terror crossed Ollie's face as Euphiniea stooped below and claimed a kiss as compensation from Ollie. "WOOO!!!!" shouted a guy across the street.

Euphiniiea blew him up.

When she broke aprt the kiss, Ollie was a bit dazed and confused. "You have every power I have. Use them wisley. Ogf course, Ms. Fujioka won;t remember anyhting you do to her tonight."

"WHAT?! Then what's the point of getting revenge if they won't remember it?!"

To make you feel better," Euphinea awnsered before dissapearing in the same cloud of smoke she first appeared in.

Ollie coughed and waved away the smoke. En evil smirk graced her deflowered lips, 'here I come Fujioka'

"No thanks guys, I think I'll just walk home today." Haruhi Fujioka just rejected a ride from the Host Club as they ade futile attempts to get her in their cars.

"But Haruhi!" exclaimed Tamaki-sempai, "Its dangerous for a girl like yourself to walk alone at these hours!!!"  
Haruhi had already reached the door of the club room and opened it. "Thanks again sempai,  
but no thanks." When Haruhi looked down the hall she noticed a girl in a botched Ouran girls' uniform. She looked angry considering she could 'feel' the glare coming from her.

Haruhi turned and went the other way wanting to avoid the strange girl.

Haruhi was about two blocks from her house on a crowded street. When she bumped into someone. She turned around to apologize when she noticed it was the same girl that was at the end of the hallway when she was leaving. 'How did she end up coming the opposite way of me,' Haruhi asked herself. Either way, she apologized, "Sorry, excuse me."

The girl only seemed to get angrier. She replied, "I hope you get raped."

The statement caught Haruhi off gaurd. "W-What?!"

"Do you know who I am?!" Hollered the girl. Haruhi meerly shook her head 'no'.

An evil smirk played the girls lips before she replied,"I. Am. God. And I control every-  
thing!" As she said that she held her hand up to the sky and the sky began to change from day to night. Haruhi took a step backwards, ready to run. When she put her hand down, the day transitions stopped.

"You know what," she began, "you are gonna get raped." With the flip of her finger, two large, burly, men appeared behind her. The had lust in their eyes. She pointed her finger at Haruhi and declared, "THAT'S A VIRGIN GIRL!" She pointed to the side of a building and an alleyway apeared. She turned to walk away saying, "do what you must."

They charged for poor little Haruhi but suddenly began depixelating. Ollie turned around to see wat was happening when she noticed Haruhi depixelating to.

"What's going on?!" She shouted. She okked up and the sky had begun depixelating, as did the alleyway. She looked down and screamed to notice her feet and legs were depixelating.  
"NOOOOOO!!!!" She screamed clutching her fists and shouting to the air.

When she woke up, she was in a frilly pink bed. The room was large and very... Organic.  
The floor was wood, there was a a small fountain next to a mirror. Lets not forget the open french doors that led to the balcony. But it was what the balcont was over that suprised dear Ollie. I was suspended over a large roaring waterfall with lush green forests. Ollie was about to scream when she heard the frint door open. And in walked Euphiniea.

"y-you," stammered Ollie.

'Yes, me," replied Euphiniea comically. "Whay are you here? And Why wasn't I able to exact my revenge! I KISSED YOU!!!"

"Now, now, calm down dear Ollie. You see, its actually about three in the morning in the human realm. I told you I would take my powers back at the next day. When I met you, we had temporarily steeped into the farie world, where time runs alot quicker than oyu'd think. Your revenge would've only been able to work in a closed space, which is a place outside of time and space altogether. Time runs just as quickly there as it does here. When our contract was finished, it was around 11 pm. So it only seemed a few minutes for you to exact your revenge."

"THAT'S THE BIGGEST LAOD OF BUULLCRAP I'VE EVER HEARD!!!!!! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE!!!! THEN I COULDA SAVE MY FIRST KISS FOR MY FIRST BOYFRIEND!!!"

"Hush! Haru-chan is sleeeping in the next room!"

Ollie Cosmos was on the verge of a nuclear breakdown.

"But don't yopu feel better tho'?"  
As pissed as Ollie was for not being able to exact her full revenge, she did feel slightly less angry at Haruhi for stealing (insert fav male HCM here) away from her. So she figured it was okay. "well, I do feel alittle better."

"Good." Thats when the door burst open again! (dun dun dunn!)

Hephaestus burst into the room screaming, "EUPHINIEA!!!!"  
It turned out, Euphiniea wasn't a fill-in for Hephaestus, but just medddling younger sibling. She had locked him in the closet and stolen his magic circles to help people exact their revenge. Hell, she didn't make the contract propelry, which is why she wasn't able to exact her revenge on Haruhi liked planned.

After explaining this to Ollie, Hephaestus sent Ollie and Haruhi back to their own realm.

Of course, Ollie was fumming pissed, so she left screaming at Euphiniea and Hephaestus, "YOU BASTASRDS! DO YOU THINK WHAT YOU DID TODAY WAS FUNNY! I WASTED SEVERAL HOURS OF MY LIFE THAT I'LL NEVER GET BACK! AND WHAT KIND OF REVENGE GIG ARE YOU RUNNUNG! I SWEAR, BY ALL THAT IS MIGHTY, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE ON YOU Hephaestus AND EUPHINIEA! ON THE NAME OLIVERA OMAI COSMOS!!!!!"  
And with that Ollie and Haruhi were sent back to their own homes, sound in bed.

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"Man, did I have a weird dream last night," Haruhi began to tell the Host Club about the strang dream she had the previous night. When she looked up and saw that a new customer had entered the room. Haruhis face went blank when she saw the botched Ouran uniform.

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You:WTH was that?!

Me:Do you dare question my skillz?  
Y: What skillz?! You left so many things unawnsered!

M: O yea!? Like whut!?

Y: I donm;t even know where to begin! How about the farie/ god/ goddeess thing?!?

M: You seem to forget, dear reader. In the world of fanfictions, I, am God.

Y: ...

M:Yea thats right, marvel before my greatness.

Haruhi: Do peole really want this to happen to me?!

M: Like a fox.

Y&H: WHAT!!!???!

M: That's all for now! Be sure to pick my latest album in stoores now! Its called :N!GGA PLZ! I'M WHITE!! W000!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

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